


Cover My Eyes

by enterprise29



Series: Songfics [2]
Category: Eureka (TV)
Genre: F/M, Other characters mentioned - Freeform, Songfic, also posted on fanfiction.net, based on a La Roux song, thoughts, timeline change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 02:19:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7666528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enterprise29/pseuds/enterprise29
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Songfic based on the song 'Cover My Eyes' by La Roux. Mostly Jo's thoughts about everything after the timeline switch. Would be useful to have a copy of the lyrics whilst reading this. Hope you enjoy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cover My Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Authors note: this is a songfic so the story is in normal text (Zane’s are in italic). Hope you enjoy.

**Verse 1**

 

I was yours for so long. It's no wonder I hate this place is it. On the verge of getting engaged to you hating me completely.

 

 

You alone have the power to break me, is it any wonder I try to avoid you. That I can't look into those eyes anymore. They used to be so full of love now they are dark and full of ice. At least at the times I allow myself to look at them.

 

 

You have the power to break me, I'm used to being one of the toughest people around. G.I. Josefina you once called me. Is it any wonder I'm scared to look in your eyes? I'm not use to feeling like this. It scares me.

 

 

Trying to find my feet in this new world we returned to, I can't see where we went so wrong. All the times you acted out, all those times she threw up in jail. All those times you asked her out and she turned you down it's no wonder you look at me like that. You think I'm her, but I would never turn you down, I would never turn you away. If only you would ask again.

 

 

I know she rejected you several times, even I did once or twice (or at least I tried to) but the one time you rejected me hurt the most. ‘in what universe’ mine, the one I'd just come from. You had asked me, and then it all got torn away.

 

 

I loved you and you loved me, every now and then I get a glimpse of that person you use to be but then it's gone. Like a disguise or a trick from my imagination. It has the power to tear me apart if I let it. It's hard to trust you. It's hard to trust reality. The glimpses of the real you, my you that I get make it even more difficult to trust you. That trust in you allowed you to get behind my walls and gave you the power to break me. You have that power. Still. You have that power but not full trust, I'd say I don't trust you at all but I look at you and see the person I trust the most.

 

 

You have the power to break me I just have to hope you won't.

 

 

 

**Verse 2**

 

Your touch is electrifying. My body is screaming come back to me, touch me please. My mind on the other hand is screaming the opposite. It's saying run as fast as you can, it's saying hide, it's saying stay right away from me. Your touch has a power over me and how I wish you could hold me and take away my pain but you holding me. No that's never going to happen. Not again. Even if you did as soon as you let go the pain would start all over again.

 

 

I feel like I'm suffocating. Everything about this place is pushing down on me. Every glimpse of you makes it hard to breathe. The power you have is suffocating me, it's crushing me. Each day more and more of my heart is breaking. I try to put on a brave face and hide it all back behind the walls I'm resurrecting. Maybe you see G.I. Jo still but inside every thing is wrong. I don't remember it well I was only young but I'm not even sure it hurt this much when my mum died. That's the power you have over me. The power to make my breath stutter. The power to make it holt, make it catch, make it hard to breathe.

 

 

It's not just you. I mean it's mostly you but it's also the pressure of keeping this timeline secret, my new job, my lack of house, my lack of you. Everything changed and now I find it hard to breathe.

 

 

Life without you is hard, especially when your still around everyday. Most days I go round in a fog. I'm surviving, but I'm not really living. I'm trying to process everything. It's not easy. I thought life without Callister was hard, it's nothing compared to this. Life without Taggart hurt some what although compared to you it was nothing. I got a glimpse of the pain I feel when the ice grew inside you and made you cold that was bad enough, but nothing compared to this.

 

 

Surviving is what I do. I survived after my mum died. I survived each new move during my dad’s military career. I survived my Rangers career. I survive in Eureka every day. I survived Callister leaving, returning, dying and turning out to be a robot. I survived sheriff Cob retiring, I survived the rejection of not being made sheriff. I survived Taggart leaving without a goodbye. I'm not sure I can survive losing you, losing everything I know, everything I knew. Not easily anyway.

 

 

I will though, don’t worry. Surviving is what I do best.

 

 

If I keep my memories locked away, at least in the day. If I keep you at arms reach. If I avoid you as much as possible then maybe when you bump my shoulder, or our hands graze when I'm arresting you. Then maybe that won't hurt as much. I wish you had the power to hold me. The power to hold me without it hurting when you inevitability let go.

 

 

You're a criminal, a felon, a hacker. You are. You were my love. Just like your past suggests every time I get near you, you steal the very air I need to breath. I'm trying hard not to let you get to me, not to let that happen. Honestly thought its never hurt this much to breathe.

 

 

Every night practically, at least since we got here I cry myself to sleep. I know SARAH is wondering what's going on. I keep trying not to cry, but I keep thinking of you. This is the power you have over me, no one else has had that power, no one else got through my walls like you did.

 

 

**Verse 3**

 

Zoe. My Zoe. My pseudo sister. Zoe. God it hurts. She even asked me for advice which I gave. How could we all be so stupid. I can even look at you now. I'm even finding it hard to look at Zoe. The girl is practically my sister and because of you I can barely look at her. That's the power you have over me. The power to potentially break me and my sister apart. All I ask is that you don't hurt her. Especially not like you've hurt me. Although even that isn't really your fault.

 

 

I'm practically avoiding Café Diem, so I don't see both of you. I'm hiding out in my room at SARAH or in GD. I know Zoe is starting to wonder what's wrong but I can look at the two of you. I can listen to her talking about you. So I'm avoiding. Avoiding and hiding something I don't have to see you.

 

 

I'm no coward. I'm not. You make me feel like one though, I should be able to look at you, and Zoe without it hurting like this. I'm G.I. Jo for goodness sakes. You have the power to make me feel like this, and you don't even know it. You have no idea what your doing to me. I hope it's worth it.

 

 

Each date, each smile, each time you walk together it tears at my insides. At my heart. Every time. How can I keep this up, it's tearing me to pieces, and neither of you even know It. Neither of you can know it, but I wonder what would happen, what you would be like if you did know it. You used to look at me with love and happiness, not quite the same way you look at her but more like that than the way you look at me now, and you don't even remember.

 

 

It's killing me. All thoughts of you. The fact you can't remember. The cold looks you give me, the looks that replaced your loving gazes. The fact your with my sister. My Zoe. The memories we had that now I have to live alone with. It's killing me. I see you with her and parts of my heart break and crumble away. Part of me dies. It's not your fault but that doesn't mean it hurts any less.

 

 

I never thought I'd be that girl, but it turns out for you I am. The power you have over me has turned me into a shell of my former self (at least on the inside), and as made me some what jealous. Never did I think I would be that girl who looks at an ex wishing it was me they were with. Then again this isn't exactly typical, and you were never exactly my ex. Probably why it hurts so much, probably why it's slowly making me crazy, slowly tearing my heart to pieces, slowly killing me.

 

 

**Verse 4**

Zoe. She wants to talk. In her head, in her memories she thinks I hate you. She probably thinks that's why I've been avoiding so much. She wants us all to go somewhere together. She doesn't want to lose me because of you. That's not the problem though. Mainly because I'm not the girl she remembers. I love you, I don't hate you. That's the problem I hate seeing you with anyone else. I hate seeing you with her. It's tearing me apart, piece by piece. Zoe is trying to make us get along because she thinks that's the answer. In fact it's probably just feeding the problem. Is it any wonder why it hurts me to sit beside you. You have a power over my heart, and I think I used to have one over yours. Unfortunately it's only you left with that power. The power over me. The power that makes it hurt to sit next to you. That makes it hurt because I can't lean into you anymore. Especially not with your girlfriend at the table too. Not when she thinks we hate each other. Not when that girl is Zoe.

 

 

 

_The amount of times you turned me down is it any wonder I stopped asking. Your different now I know that. I just can't find the courage to ask again. Especially if the answer is no again. Zoe’s great but she's not you. She's a friend and I don't want to lose her, but it's you I want. With the amount of times I asked I would have thought you knew that. Zoe's fun to hang around with, and I know it annoys Carter but for you I would stop. For you I would give it all up. I'd give everything up. Now your just avoiding me, no your avoiding US so much I can't even ask you again even if I wanted to Jo-Jo._

I'm trying to move on. I keep saying it and one day I know it will be true. I know I have to move on. It's what my head and my heart is telling me. My heart beats on it's own tune when your around and I know yours used to match. Now it's just off beat. It needs to find a new rhythm. I need to find a new rhythm. We used to make music and it was magical. I can bear to think of you doing that with someone else. Especially not Zoe. I've got to start listening, got to start looking for a new beat, a new song.

 

 

I have to say though I'd rather you don't listen to any more music once my house is rebuilt. Again! We used to set the world alight, but you didn't have to set fire to my actual world or at least my house. Most of my world was in ruins anyway. My heart needs to find it's rhythm again and you went and confused it all over again. You have the power to speed it up or slow it down, but I don’t have that power over you anymore. We are living life to different songs.

 

 

 

_Talk to me Jo-Jo. I wish you would talk to me. I wish you would stop avoiding me. I wish you would stop this silence. I wish you would stop this passive aggressiveness. I wish you would stop ignoring me, and all the concerns I have. I wish you would stop shutting me down._

_I wish you would start listening to me. I wish you would let me in. I wish you would let me love you. I wish you would answer me, and all the questions that I have. I wish you would tell me what the problem is. I wish you would tell me how I could help. I wish you would rely on me. I wish you would tell me why everything feels different, why I feel like I've lost something, forgotten something. I wish you would tell me or at least try to explain why everything seems to connect to you, including my sense of gravity._

_I wish you knew that one of the reasons I started talking to Zoe, trying to help Zoe was because of you._

_This silence is deafening, I wish it would stop, I wish I was yours and you were mine._

Everything changed. Yet most seemed the same. Some were small insignificant changes, like bronze to granite and some were larger than others Fargo and GD, Kevin and his autism. Then there was you and me, and I think that was the largest change of all, at least to me. Even my change in job didn't measure up and that was something I wanted for ages. We broke everything, nothing was quite the same. It's like our eyes have gone fuzzy, or a puzzle that doesn't match the picture on the box.

 

 

I know things are already different. That I've broken your ‘enforcer’ Jo's pattern. I actually listen before throwing you in jail, I actually take notice, rely on you, trust you. I know the man you can be, I'm trying to bring him back. I'm trying to break the pattern. I never realised quite how much power I had over you, I never realised quite how much you changed. Especially how you changed for me, or changed because of me. You and probably you alone (I've never felt that way before and I don't think I will again) had the power to change my name. I wanted to marry you. That was another thing that got changed though. Our live, never happened, we never dated, you never wanted to marry me and I can see in your eyes, and your actions you never will.

 

 

The other major thing that changed for me was my job. It changed me from town to GD, from follower to boss. It put me in charge. It took me away from Carter. It changed my uniform. Uniform to suit. Tan to black. That was probably the biggest thing it changed from colour to darkness, mirroring much of what was going on in my head and heart. It gave me more power but not enough to break or even out the hold you had on me.

 

 

 

_You can't seem to see it, but I'd give everything for you. I'd sacrifice anything. I've never exactly been settled or a settler but for you I think I could be. If you just gave in. If you just saw what I was offering. If you just let me in. If you just shared your secrets with me. I can see a pain in your eyes that didn't seem to be there before, and now your avoiding me so much more. What have I done to upset you like this? Before we had a pattern, we were both used to it and then you went and changed the rules. What happened to our pattern? What did I do that made you change so much? I thought in a weird sort of way you enjoyed our game almost as much as I did. G.I. Jo, the enforcer, the ex deputy, the ex ranger what must you have sacrificed? What are you still sacrificing? Your heart? I wish you'd let me make you happy. I wish you would stop sacrificing yourself. Please Jo-Jo. Just let down your walls, it's such a small sacrifice to make and I’m sure we could be so happy. If only you would let me in, let me love you. Let yourself feel the love that's all around you. Such a small sacrifice._

I wish it was true. That I didn't have to worry about everyone else. But I do. I have to worry about Carter, and Henry, Alison, and Fargo. I even have to worry about Grant. I have to worry if one of the others will slip up. I have to worry I'll slip up, and I have to worry about that for them too. It's not just them I have to worry about it's everyone else close to us, Grace, Kevin, Jenna, Zoe, even Zane. I have to worry they will find out, or get caught in the middle. I have to worry how cautious we have to be, I have to worry what happens if they don't find out. I have to worry what happens if they think we've changed, if they think we're different. I have to worry anyone else in town will find out or figure out. I especially have to worry if Vincent finds out, he's great but he's also a bit of a gossip. I have to worry if my family finds out. I have to worry if I'm noticeably different than the ‘enforcer’ and the others like their previous selves. I have to worry about everyone and everything. I have to worry because of time travel. I have to worry because it's my job to keep everyone safe. I have to worry because these people are my friends. I have to worry because I would anyway. I wish I didn't though. I wish I didn’t have to worry about the others, about everyone.

 

 

 

Zane. You were always my biggest worry. I worried about you leaving me, about you finding someone better, someone who understood you more, someone smarter. I worried you would just get bored with me and move on. Then when you proposed my worry was still about losing you, then we came here. It turns out I wasn't worrying about you for nothing. I lost you. You. You had the power to stop me worrying just by being near me, now I'm worried when you are near. Near to me and near to the truth about what happened. As much as I'm trying to move on, mostly from the pain you need to know even if I'll never tell you, just like you told me you don't need to worry about the others, it will always only be you. No one else. I promise that.

 

 

**1 sentence /verse 5**

_I really wish I knew what was going on in there. In your head, your brain. I wish I knew whether I was part of your heart, your mind. I wish I knew what was going on, what had made you change. I'm here Jo-Jo. I'm here, it's not all in your mind. I'm real, I'm here. If you would just let me in. I don't know what happened. At least not yet, but I want too. I want to help you release the pain, the burden, whatever it is that's changed you. Whatever it is that's got you down. I think I'm going crazy, but I'm sure I love you Jo. It's not just in my mind, there's something about you, it makes my heart race. Part of me thinks there's something I've forgotten, that I can't quite remember. If there is though I'm convinced my body remembers, especially if it had to do with you. The mind is a powerful thing Jo, that's why I never mess with mine._

**Verse 6**

 

I've been wishing you would hold me again since I got here. Now I wish you hadn't. You've confused me. I'm back to the beginning, back to the start. Back to trying to get over you. Back to trying to keep you away from the truth. God it hurts, possibly even more now than it did before. Now I haven't even got your, no his ring to hold on too. That kiss was electrifying, and then there was Zoe, like cold water. A reminder. A reminder that your not mine anymore. That you can't, shouldn't be holding me anymore. I know I’m not going to be able to hold you off for very long, your too inquisitive. It's dangerous. I know I’m not going to be able to hold out long, not if you keep kissing me to try and make me tell you. I know I'm not going to be able to hold out long because every time you are near I crumble, my walls tumble away. I don't want you to know, I know you can't, aren't allowed to know but I desperately want to tell you. I want you to hold me as I crumble. Your the only one I let past my shields. You had the power to get past my walls, to see me at my worst. You had the power to do that, to let me drop everything that protected my heart, your the only one I didn't mind seeing me like that. Your the only one I truly let in.

 

 

I woke up to you sitting by my bedside holding a magazine. My magazine. My favourite. I don't know how you knew. I know she wouldn't have told you. I did, once but that was a lifetime (or at least a timeline) ago. It was so hard to breathe with you there, it felt so right, so normal, so like it was before. Although it being hard to breathe might have had something to do with the giant bullet and the surgery from earlier in the day, I'm sure it was mostly you. You always had that affect on me it was like you had the power to make me stop, to make me live in the moment.

 

 

Each day it feels like it could be, like it should be getting easier. I wonder how much of him I've lost, how much has slipped away. More than that though I wonder how much of you has replaced him, despite me trying to keep my distance, to keep you away. I'm surviving, I'm getting through everyday. It's getting easier. I wonder if your power over me is beginning to fade. Although I'm wondering if this new version of you, the one that wants Zoe, the one that doesn't want anything from me, (at least nothing but answers I refuse, that I can't give) I'm wondering if he is getting the power you had, because staying away from him, from you is getting harder. It's hard to survive without you. It's hard but I’m living with it, I'm surviving with it.

 

 

As fast as I try to rebuild these walls around me, around my heart your there wearing them, crashing them down. I keep trying to say goodbye and then your arms are coming round me. Trapping me in a warm embrace that I just want to lean further into but knowing I can't. That your not trying to hold me, your trying to get answers. Your using every bit of power you have over me, whether you know it or not to try and get those answers and let me tell you every time your arms come around me that power you have comes closer to breaking me, to winning, to getting those answers. Will you hold me? For your own benefit yes, for mine, no. Will you ever hold me like you did before? No and anyway you have Zoe now. I need to let go, for her. I won't hurt her. I won't.

 

 

Each smile you get closer. Closer to her and further away from me. Each smile and I get closer to the ‘enforcer’ than I am to me. You changed me, and now whether I want to or not, I'm changing back, I'm changing into her. But not the her you want. It makes it hard to breathe. Each change, each breath, each difference, each day breaking me. I wonder if one day that the power you had over me will mean I don't exist anymore because so much of me was you, because so much of me has gone. It makes it so hard to breathe.

 

 

I'm losing everything. I'm losing myself. It's hard not to cry. It's hard to stop myself. It's so hard to keep myself from crying. Over everything I've lost, over everything I'm losing, over everything I have yet to, and left to lose. You had the power to stop, to hold my tears, and I think this proves you more than had the power to cause them. I guess we got serious with each other. Much more so than we realised. I know it would make the tears worse, not better but I wish I'd said, wish I'd been able to say yes. I would have married you. I think I was more serious about you than either of us realised, and all of took was me losing you to realise. How can I keep from crying? How? Not now I know that. Not now it's too late. How can I stop? I wish you could tell me. I wish you would tell me. More than anything though I wish you didn't need to tell me.

 

 

 

**Verse 7**

 

It's Zoe. It's Zoe so you better not hurt her. I see you walking with her and although I wish it was me, it's not the same. Your not looking at her like you looked at me. I'm not sure what it is but it's different than when you were with me I don't know what that means, but I’m worried. I'm worried that I’m wrong. I'm worried that I'm right. It's not because I wish it was me, although most of the time I do, it's because I'm worried you don't feel the same way as her. I'm worried your power is already drawing Zoe in, and I'm worried she's going to get hurt. I'm worried she's going to be like me (not that she knows, or even can know that) lost without you, because you held her tight and then let go. That you let her know you and then you left, you disappeared. I'm worried that your walking with her but that you won't be soon.

 

 

I have to cover my eyes so the pain isn't seen. So the power you have doesn't get to me, doesn't affect me. Not anymore. Not again. I can hear her, Zoe, but I can't make out what she's saying I don't really want to because I know it will be about you. The problem is she looks sad, and I've seen that pain a hundred fold reflected in my own eyes. What have you said to her, what have you done to her that she's got pain in her eyes, that she has to cover her eyes? What have you done?

 

 

Every time you left with her, the power that you had that still lingered over me, broke me, hurt me nearly killed me, but now your not. Your not leaving with her, she's got to learn to get over you too. Just like me, although hopefully not as badly.

 

 

Something inside of me is dying. I'm not sure what. It could be my heart, my soul, the bit that makes me, me. The bit that makes me, me rather than the ‘enforcer’. Perhaps it's the power you have over me that's weakening, that’s dying. Perhaps that's what I'm losing. Perhaps that’s what's dying inside of me. Perhaps I'm beginning to get over you, perhaps I'll be able to rebuild my walls. Or perhaps it's that you can only have one broken hearted, one hurt person covering their eyes and dying inside looking at you at one time. Perhaps you can only have one person hurt over you and by you at a time. Perhaps my time is up. Do you know? Do you even know what you do to a person? No you probably don't. You don't have a clue. What makes it worse is I’m sure me and Zoe are only the latest in a long line.

 

 

**Verse 8**

 

You aren't anymore. You aren't walking with anyone anymore. Part of me is surprised. Yes it hurt when I saw you with Zoe, and yes she is both already hurt and would be further to see you walking with anyone (especially if that person was somehow me) but it's still you. I'm surprised you've not found someone else, someone new to walk with. I'm glad though. You have the power to hurt us both, a power you don't even realise you have, especially with me but I’m glad your not abusing that power. I'm glad your not trying, or managing to hurt either of us further. At least for now.

 

 

I'm still covering my eyes, trying to avoid you. It's worse now that it was before. Almost. Now not only are you desperate for answers but your also free and single. Now your not with Zoe. Now staying away is even harder than before. Now it's even more important that I'm not persuaded by your power, by your hold over me, over my heart. Now you could do real damage If you got hold of me, of us. Of our hearts. Now it's dangerous. Now I can't let you see, so I've got to keep covering my eyes.

 

 

 

_Jo-Jo. Four little letters, yet so important, to me. I keep hiding what your rejections do, and have done to me, I keep hiding the hurt you avoiding me, of changing, messing up our game, our pattern so much so I have to cover my eyes, my emotions, everything when your around. I wish you would stop avoiding me. I wish you would stop hiding from me. I wish you would stop covering your eyes, so you can't see me whenever I am near. I know I'm not good enough for you, I'm a felon, a hacker, a criminal. I know you want nothing to do with me. I know, why would you, but Jo I want you. I need you. I wish you would let me in. I wish you would stop keeping me out. Keeping me at arms reach away. I wish you would let yourself see what is all around you. What you could have. Zoe. You know I'm really sorry I hurt her Jo, you know that, right? I didn't want to hurt her, I never meant for that to happen. You know that, right? I didn't mean for her to get the wrong idea. I didn't realise she thought it was or even could be anything more. I'm sorry she got hurt, Jo. I never meant for that to happen. I never meant to lose my friend. She won't look at me either. She covers her eyes so she can't see any time I'm near too. We've, no I've really messed up haven't I. I'm sorry Jo, I hope you know that, I wish you knew that. I never wanted this to happen. I'd love for us all to get along again. I'd love to be able to look at your beautiful eyes again. I wish we would stop covering ourselves, I wish we would stop hiding, I wish we would all get along, more than anything though, I wish you would let me in._

At least with Zoe leaving with you I knew what was going on. This not knowing who your going home with actually hurts more. I hated every moment you were with Zoe, but now I realise quite how much of a blessing it was. If I had to lose you, to anyone, to someone else I guess I'm glad it would be Zoe, after all she's like my sister. I want to see her happy. You have that power you know. The power to make someone so happy. You did for me, that's why it hurt so much when I lost it, when I lost you. When you were with her I knew what was happening, I knew what was going on, now I don't.

 

It's like limbo. I hate seeing you with someone, anyone else but you shouldn't be alone and you should be happy. I hate the fact that my eyes still search for yours but mire than that I'm dreading the day they search for yours to find you with someone else. Again.

 

 

It's no wonder that I feel like I’m dying inside. You were so much to me that I've lost even more than I realised, but now your always in my way, looking for answers and Zoe isn't even between us now. There's no buffer. I realise I've probably fallen for you all over again. My resistance is failing, tits exhausting me. I know it's futile. You have some sort of power over me that keeps me coming back. I hope I don’t hurt Zoe. I don't want to, but I need you. I'm dying inside, at least until I see you.

 

 

 

_My eyes. I feel like they are deceiving me, but your definitely here. Your right in front of me. Are you finally giving me a chance with your heart? A chance at some answers? Jo-Jo, my dear sweet Jo-Jo you don't know how much I've wanted this. How much I've wished for this and most importantly how much I never expected to get it, for it to happen._

_My eyes have never seen something as important as you. I'm glad we stopped covering. I'm glad we've got a chance. I love you Jo-Jo, my eyes are looking at the most amazing, beautiful thing, their settled right on you, and yours are on me. I promise I will do my best to get it right, I know it might take time but I'm sure we will get there. It's like you've got a power over my heart. A power I didn't think could truly exist until I met you. You have and you are changing me Jo-Jo and how I’m sure it's so much for the better._


End file.
